First year

It has occurred to me that the end of internship is rapidly approaching and with it comes a whole new set of challenges. This year has taught me many things in regards to being married to a doctor, many of which I thought I already understood. There's nothing quite like experiencing it to drive the point home though. We have spent countless hours apart, we have visited the hospital he works at numerous times, PM has asked where his Daddy is so many times and I've gotten to explain what it means to have a Daddy that is also a doctor to our son. Why he spends so much time with the sick people. Why he doesn't spend as much time with us as he does with them. Answering that heart-breaking question "He still loves us though, right?". It's a circular conversation I have with our son. He's young, he doesn't remember that we talked about this yesterday (and the day before and the day before). It's a time frame that constantly reminded me that while I would love to have dinner tonight with my husband, he doesn't even know I sent him a text 2 hours ago. Not because he doesn't check his phone but because he can't check his phone. It has reminded me that while he loves us best (right?!?!?) they will always come first. And that's as it should be, I wouldn't want my doctor to be doing a half-assed job just because they would rather be home. I just assume they would rather be home and are instead patching me back together.

As first year comes to a close I am hopeful. I hope that next year brings opportunity for PGY1 to learn things he'll need later. Chances for us to rearrange time as a family. Hopes that PM will stop talking nonsense about Transformers. (I'm certain the last one is just a dream.) He loves us. We love him. We miss him, but this is not our forever. And it will only get better. :)