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It's the butt crack of dawn on a Friday. Could this be it???

a list

1. Clean out my car- seems easy enough until I try to get started
2. Make and freeze some meals for after- again, until I try to get started
3. Finish washing and folding laundry- I'm trying to complete a task that is never ending.
4. Clean the monkey's room- great but he uncleans it for me after about 5 seconds
5. Wrap baby gift for SIL- I. can. do. this.
6. Find a present for Monkey from Bebe- I don't know what to get him!
7. Find a present for Bebe from Monkey- His only suggestion is a Transformer
8. Get bits for my family while they are out- You know, like a thank you!
9. Get used to the idea of being incapacitated for awhile- you never get used to this...

Thoughts on having Bebe

It's almost here, I can tell. At most we have 19 days until we greet the current inhabitant of my belly. I'm am excited to have peanut here. But I'm also a little concerned about having the two of them, home, alone, together. I'll manage. Women have done this for a very long time... But I haven't done it yet so I'm just a titch nervous. I have a lot of things I can do around the house while I'm off but will I? And when my time is up, am I going to want to go back to work? Probably not. We need to get cracking on figuring that dilemma out! But mostly I'm afraid PM is going to feel left out and neglected. I want to take him out, just he and I. And he should also get some Daddy and me time. But when are we going to make that happen??? Because PGY2 is a busy fella. Too many questions. So few answers. Hmmm.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Oh yes. This is going to improve my mood. My car died this morning, I had to call off work. It's at the garage right now and I'm certain this is going to cost a small fortune. One I don't have. Everyone is telling me to just relax. Can I tell you how much that p*sses me off? Like sends my blood pressure through the effing roof off? I'm (usually) a reasonable human being, I understand that things break down and don't always cost a fortune to fix. I also understand that it's just a car. But Dag Nabbit, I'm 9 months pregnant. I'm stuck home with a 4 year old. PGY1 is at work indefinitely. AND I HAVE NO CAR!!!! And it's supposed to be a million degrees outside today. And I ran out of watermelon. And I really want watermelon. Gah, poop.

This place

Yeah, the one I'm in right now. I'm over it. It needs some serious change. I'm over the drama, the looks, the undeniable resentment I'm developing towards it. I don't want to be here anymore. I need something new. How totally lucky for me I happening to be growing someone whose going to provide that something new. But I still have to figure out how to do away with this old. How do other people make this happen? I don't relish the idea of totally getting rid of it but I think perhaps a clean break is needed right now. Any suggestions?

On Bebe front, I'm only a 24 days from being able to definitively say whether it's a boy or a girl! That is sooooo exciting for me!!!! And my cankles!!!! We just need an exersaucer and maybe some cloth diapers (oh and a wardrobe for Bebe since white onesies are really boring) and we'll be set for quite some time!!!! Exciting!!!

First year

It has occurred to me that the end of internship is rapidly approaching and with it comes a whole new set of challenges. This year has taught me many things in regards to being married to a doctor, many of which I thought I already understood. There's nothing quite like experiencing it to drive the point home though. We have spent countless hours apart, we have visited the hospital he works at numerous times, PM has asked where his Daddy is so many times and I've gotten to explain what it means to have a Daddy that is also a doctor to our son. Why he spends so much time with the sick people. Why he doesn't spend as much time with us as he does with them. Answering that heart-breaking question "He still loves us though, right?". It's a circular conversation I have with our son. He's young, he doesn't remember that we talked about this yesterday (and the day before and the day before). It's a time frame that constantly reminded me that while I would love to have dinner tonight with my husband, he doesn't even know I sent him a text 2 hours ago. Not because he doesn't check his phone but because he can't check his phone. It has reminded me that while he loves us best (right?!?!?) they will always come first. And that's as it should be, I wouldn't want my doctor to be doing a half-assed job just because they would rather be home. I just assume they would rather be home and are instead patching me back together.

As first year comes to a close I am hopeful. I hope that next year brings opportunity for PGY1 to learn things he'll need later. Chances for us to rearrange time as a family. Hopes that PM will stop talking nonsense about Transformers. (I'm certain the last one is just a dream.) He loves us. We love him. We miss him, but this is not our forever. And it will only get better. :)

32 weeks 4 days. Start placing bets :)