The State of Our Union

I'd be lying if I said everything was sunshine and unicorn farts around here. We hardly see each other. We barely speak. Not out of anger, mind you. We are just busy and exhausted from our respective other responsibilities. I think. Definitley not anger though. It is causing some stress that neither of us is really sure how to address. Both of us can see it's there. Both of us know it's a problem. How do we fix it? No clue. Our marriage isn't like most people's. He doesn't work normal hours at a 9-5 job. I wasn't born to be a stay-at-home mom. I see it as one of MANY things that make me me. It doesn't define who I am, though. I get no days off. He gets zero days off. But if you asked us what we need most it would be time off together. Without two small but incredibly cute tag-a-longs. Our marriage needs an opportunity to thrive independent of our children. Without that I fear things will only get much worse. Now, the tricky part. How do we accomplish this given our lack of time? Thoughts and suggestions, as always, appreciated.

Bebe ~ 6 1/2 months old

PM 4 1/2 years old


I'm reminded lately that we are very very fortunate just to have two healthy children. Healthy. That's all that matters. I've been pitying myself a lot lately, for a bunch of reasons. I'm unemployed. I miss adult conversation. I miss the interaction. I miss getting a check and recently when we did our taxes my ego took another punch when I was listed as a dependent. I'm dependent on someone for the first time in a very long time. But I can't sit here and wallow because there are two precious little people who are completely dependent on me. Got to get out of the mindset of self pity. Got to get over it. Soon. Because the smaller one is starting to rock back and forth on her hands and knees and soon I won't have time to feel sorry for myself. Maybe that's a good thing.

thoughts

randomness from the last 24 hours

*i get overwhelmed walking into craft stores even when i have a very clear plan of what i'm doing there. seriously, i completely lose track of what i was after as soon as those doors woosh open. it's really disconcerting.

*pm does karate in his sleep. i know this because this morning after the power came back on, i went upstairs to check on him and was treated to a flury of rapid karate chop type movements followed by a smile. and then peace.

*when the power goes out, i wake up. and then i freak out. at least if it's winter. in the 2.5 hours we didn't have power it dropped 6 degrees in our house. i was deciding whether i should bundle everyone up and plop us all in the same bed when it came whirring back on. problem solved.

*bebe really seems to be enjoying herself. she likes eating solids. she likes eating her spoon. okay, she likes eating. and she's getting pretty darn close to being mobile! she regularly gets up on all fours, i'm just waiting for the rocking back and forth that preceeds the crawling.

*also, her eyes are still blue. i pm's took a long time to change but it would be so pretty if hers would stay blue. i always wanted blue eyes. but i remember the good ole punnett square and brown eyed mama plus brown eyed daddy usually equals brown eyed baby. and that okay too!

*i have started planning what will become our annual birthday party. pm was (un)fortunate enough to be born at the beginning of may and his birthday this year actually falls on mother's day. plus the weather is unreliable. so we will be having one party for both of them at the end of july. better weather for outside shenanigans. only have to cook and decorate once. i'm excited because if we do it in the summmer, my family can come out for it!

*i just realized he will be 5(!) in three (3) months. zomg. wow. i'm not sure i'm ready for that but it's a nice distraction from how old i will be in just under 2 months. not ready for that either. but that's a different story for a different day.

xoxo

uncle!

She won't sleep. Or rather she won't stay asleep. I haven't slept through the night since last May. I'd like to do that again some day. But today, today was special. She didn't nap. All day. I laid her down, awake. She screamed. And screamed. I checked on her every five minutes but it didn't matter because she would not stop screaming. Like beat red, been ignored for days screams. And that's just after I laid her down. So I cave, after half an hour, because crying is one thing, hysteria is a whole different cookie. I fed her oatmeal and bananas (she screamed between bites), I gave her a bath (she screamed only slightly less), I gave her a baby massage (two guesses what she did). I laid her back down in her crib. She continued to scream. An hour and a half of non-stop screaming from her. With no obvious reason other than that she was p-i-s-s-e-d. So I go back in, for the 875,657th time and I put her in her car seat. She's out before I can pick it up. So I ask you, how do you wean your child off of sleeping in her car seat? (which for the record mimics how she feels when she's being held.)

Not good.

I've just experienced one of the less pleasant sides of motherhood. For the first time in his life PM caught the stomach flu. The kid actually threw up. At one o'clock in the morning. In his sleep. In his bed. I felt so bad looking at him at the top of the stairs as he stood there wailing, half asleep and covered in muck. He was so scared. So I got him out of his jams and popped him in the tub to get clean and set about doing laundry at one o'clock in the morning. Not really something I've ever felt a need to do. He slept on the couch the rest of the night, for the parts that he could sleep anyways. We all had it but I think he maybe had it the worst. My poor little guy! Apparently it's not something a 7 hour afternoon nap can't fix. Go little dude, go!

On a brighter (and less disgusting) note: nope, no brighter side to this weekend. We spent it sick, all of us. Better luck for the week if possible? That would be awesome!

she bangs! he bangs!

She sits! She rolls! She has rolls! She got up on hands and knees just now! She blows raspberries! She sucks toes! And she gives (really really sloppy) kisses! And laughs! I'd forgotten how much fun it is to participate in the baby phase!

He writes! He draws! He models! He takes pictures! He makes up stories about people and places and things! He cuts and glues and glitters! But not like a certain teenage vampire story. Not like that. It's pretty fantastic being their Mama!

2 years

Two years ago today I stood on a dock out over the Caribbean Sea and exchanged vows with a fabulous man. Two years. Wow.