Whoops.

Seriously, whoops. I forgot to write. For a whole year plus. Bullet points on what happened. *The melodrama from Sept 2012 worked itself out and all is fine. Still no details, sorry. *We had fun times with J in Atlanta while I stayed here with the kids. *Bebe had her first Clonic Tonic Febrile Seizure. They suck. *Princess Personality turned TWO! *Pirate Monkey turned SEVEN! *My little brother graduated high school. *Bebe turned THREE! *We went on a whirlwind tour of interviews in Wisconsin. *J signed a contract! We have a job! We have a new home town! Oh my word excited! *Wait, we're moving a thousand miles with three kids and no home to move to. O.o *J graduates from residency on June 20th! Five years, gone! I'm so excited I could, I could... Sell a house??? Do you know anyone that needs a 4 bedroom/ 2 bathroom Cape Cod on a 1/3 of a acre in the area? So those are the highlights from our past year and a bit. And the munchkins. So big.

What was.

I was going to post something about being terrible at writing. I was going to include pictures. Instead, I'm going to record a day in our lives that may change everything. And I'm putting here because I can't really tell anyone. And I can't even put here what it was. I'm so hurt and scared and angry and I can't even say the words out loud. I can't type them on the screen. Because people who know us read. How very dramatic. I hate drama. I just want everything to be okay. Everyone to be okay.

Happy Mother's Day

I'm feeling very stressed and frustrated. Can't deny it. I'm also feeling very blessed. We have a great fortune in our children and I'm not referring to how much they cost. We have three intelligent, funny, happy and, most important, healthy children in our home. Yes, there is a lot of testing. Yes, there is a lot of noise. Not to mention snacks, laughs, tears, baths and diapers. And lets not mention the laundry. We're so lucky :) I haven't been very good about documenting here but I honestly haven't really had the time to sit and think about what I would write. I lead a very boring but eventful life here with the rugrats :) We do all the usual things and we are starting to venture out on walks around our (very hilly) neighborhood. Very hard work, pushing an extra hundred pounds along with the forty or so I need to lose but worth it! Soooo, what to write here. In this blank space. Everything I could write would sound ungrateful or whiny. Husband is on rotation at a different local hospital and since my car died (moment of silence) we just have the minivan. Which leaves me stranded at the house with kiddos while he's at work. Sadly, there isn't much close by way of intellectual stimulation. I have a good friend across the street but there aren't any museums or libraries or stores except for a hardware store within walking distance. Kind of depressing on occasion, but we are gathering a nice assortment of stuff in the backyard and we are putting up a fence so we can keep the kids from wandering aimlessly around town. But things are good. Very good.

Wow, I'm slow.

Almost a month ago, we welcomed our third child! She's precious and darling and looks a lot like her big sister :) We've had some issues with her homecoming though. PM has been acting out frequently. I try to tell myself that it's normal 5 year old behaviour but it's all so out of character for him. He's been ignoring us, talking back, he makes just plain bad choices even when he's called out on them (so as to be able to switch what he's doing before he gets in trouble), he seems to be so angry all the time but he's not taking it out on the girls. I find myself losing all patience with the kid. I feel bad saying it but right now I just don't like him. Of course, I still love him but I really really don't like him. I don't have a frame of reference for this behaviour. He's never been like this. I'm so sick of yelling and sending him to his room but after 30 eye rolls and talking back sometimes he's just safer there. Epic Mommy fail. I'm supposed to be able to deal with this stuff, somewhere along the line I should have developed tools for this but apparently I called in sick that day. And no one has any useful advice to help me out. If I'm told to be patient it's just a phase or hear one more person giggle and say he's just like his dad was at that age I may lose my mind! NOT HELPFUL!!! But he's not always a little jerk. He can be very sweet and very helpful until he gets bored with it and turns into a turd again. I take it back, I think I have lost it.

And now, stepping away from the ledge, my girls need me...

Time, it flies.

And before you know it, it's March. What happened to February? Oh well. Unfortunately, I have nothing exciting to report. PM's second parent-teacher conference went well. He's a bright, energetic child. We knew that. My step sister had a baby boy, he's gorgeous. PGY3's grandmother died. I wish I could say anything else about it but as they didn't get along and by the time I met her she was already headed down memory lane, I'll stick with it's for the best. I've made the final preparations for BOJ3, now she just has to get here! Only 6 more days...

Oh hey!

Look at that, I've been so busy trying not to do too much and here it is almost the middle of February! Only 4 more weeks of this, at most. I have to say for all having a c-section is uncomfortable for much longer than not having one, it's nice to have an expiration date of sorts. None of this waiting for the baby to come, ours has an eviction notice! Yay! So, what have I not been blogging about. Honestly, with most of January, the days are a blur. Not because we were that busy but because I was that tired!

~We went to the Farm Show. Animals were seen and a ridiculous amount of money was spent on glorified fair food.

~We visited friends in NJ and while we were there went to what can only be described as Chu.cky Chee.se on crack.

~We all got the head cold of doom. Seriously took a week and a half to kick it.

~PGY3 had a week off so we could all hang out :D

~Got Bebe's toddler bed put together. She doesn't like sleeping in it, at least not at night. 3 hours of straight screaming usually accompanies an attempt. So that's a no.

~Made Princess a baby blanket for when she comes home with us. Still needs to be tied but otherwise looks pretty good.

~Made friendship bracelets for PM's kindergarten class. Mind numbing.

~Had PM's second ever Teacher-Parent conference. It went very well, she said she can see him growing up to be some kind of scientist. I laughed because just a couple of days before he told me he wants to be Sheldon from the BBT. TV for the win!

Well, maybe it wasn't as dull as I remember then. And just last night, on a sadder note, PGY3's grandma passed away after a long struggle with Alzheimer's. She's at peace now, it's hard to be sad about that.

Is it March?

Holy Crap, I feel like this is dragging on forever and yet it has flown by! That being said, I'm officially over being pregnant and would like it to be March already!!!

2011

January~ We celebrated our 2nd anniversary by taking a quickie trip to Virginia. Cupcakes, swimming, and a tour of some old guy's house ;)

February~ We got some snow. Wow.

March~ My mom came for a visit and I *may* have turned 30. Or maybe that's this year.

April~ We registered the Monkey for Kindergarten! Oh, and the basement floods. Good times.

May~ My dad came for a visit and the Monkey turned 5. F-I-V-E.

June~ Family trip to the Outer Banks with no air conditioning in the car. 90 degree weather. Not fun. Also, graduate to third year of Residency!!!

July~ Find out, much to both our surprise, we are expecting a third little tyke. Bebe turned 1. My family came out for a visit. Another trip to the beach to take Monkey and Nephew swimming and a trip to the Crayola Factory while the air conditioning at the house gets fixed.

August~ PGY3's brothers both come to town. First time they are all together on the East Coast in more than 10 years. Lots of family awkwardness. First appointment with OB. One little bean. One perfect flicker of a heartbeat. Start telling close family. Kids and I go back to the Tundra for a couple weeks. Lots of family time, friends, and puking. PGY3 goes to Las Vegas for a conference. He sucks. First day of Kindergarten. Wow.

September~ Wrapping up the weirdest summer weather ever is the month that rounds out the list. In 6 weeks we had a tornado, a hurricane, massive flooding, and an earthquake. But we met our incredible neighbors who are, like, the best EVAH!

October~ Am sent by OB to MFM to evaluate the bean for an antibody issue that may or may not cause really big bad things to happen. Got an ultrasound. And a blizzard two days before Halloween. Because you can never have to much strange weather. I guess.

November~ Had another ultrasound with MFM for development. Newest bean is a GIRL!!!! Also, I cook Thanksgiving dinner and my littlest sister comes out for a quick trip. I go Black Friday shopping for the first time. Crazy. Never again.

December~ Lots of time off with PM, Bebe and PGY3. Kids had a mad haul this Christmas. MIL weirder by the minute. Got to go on a *gasp* date with the hubs and managed to stay awake until after midnight to ring in the New Year... Speaking of which I hope yours is filled with happiness, blessings, and all things wonderful!

Because time flies...

To give you an example of just how spongy my brain has gotten, I was getting dressed the other morning trying to figure out why my belly is already so big? Because I'm not due until the middle of March and that is forever away. Shouldn't it be barely anything more than a slight bump? I mean, really, it's not like I'm 6 months pregnant. Oh. Wait. Yeah I am. {facepalm}

Mommy brain, making intelligent women feel stupid for thousands of years.

Well that's a horse of a different color.

Pirate Monkey is wrong. We are expecting another pink bundle!!!!! Fortunately, I was discharged from Maternal Fetal Medicine today with no need to go back unless my bloodwork gets markedly worse!! Many reasons to celebrate! And, also, more girls in the house than boys!!!!! Woot!!!!

What's in a name?

And more to the point, how does one go on picking names? I'm completely stumped! Right now we refer to the poor little bean as Cletus the Fetus. I can not in good conscience continue that after the kid gets here. Even if it is a boy. Just plain wrong. But seriously, names? Big Brother wants to name the kid Jayden. He's not even entertaining the idea that it could be a girl. He was right last time. But I hate the name... Benjamin? Noah? Jonah? Boogers. This is gonna be rough.

Because knowledge is power.

I'm going to write down what I've learned so far about the trouble we are facing this pregnancy. Somewhere during my pregnancy or delivery of our daughter I was exposed to her blood. Apparently, unlike most of the population, I don't carry the "c" protein on my red blood cells. In normal life this means nothing. My understanding is they don't test for it even when doing a transfusion (which I've never had). So after being exposed my body started to develop antibodies to this protein that it doesn't recognize so if it's exposed again it can attack accordingly, think virus. The problem is that if the baby carries the "c" protein, my body will attack the baby. These antibodies can cross the placenta, will attack the baby's red blood cells and make it anemic. This is where it gets scary and we need some prayers. If it attacks the baby, intervention may be required. Things like blood tests on the baby in utero, fetal transfusion, and early delivery with NICU time were all mentioned. Worst, there's not a single thing anyone can do to prevent it. There's no shot, no pill, no treatment to stop it from occurring. All we can do is watch. So, if you're reading this and feel so inclined, please pray. Pray that the baby isn't a carrier, that if it is a carrier my levels don't increase, that if they do increase the baby stays healthy. What ever you want really. Hugs.

Oh hey...

That's right, I can write on this thing too! We've made it to 16 weeks with an appointment tomorrow. PGY3 gets to go with me so I won't have to pay so much attention to Bebe, that's a plus. I'll have to get bloodwork, so that's a downer. I don't mind needles, I just prefer when they're pointed at someone else ;). We may be getting a minivan. I could cry except PM and Bebe are really starting to go at each other. He "tickles" her, she bites him. Good times. I should probably wait until my head clears up a bit before I try to actually write anymore... First cold of the season!!! Woot!!! (I faked the happy for that last bit.) (You're welcome.)

So, um.

Today at my monthly Dr appt I was informed that I have Anti Little C antigens. This could be a potentially high risk development. If worst comes to worst, Hemolytic Disease of the Newborn. Transfusion for the baby at birth. And there is nothing to do for it but wait and monitor my blood. I'm more than a little scared today. I wish the only thing I had to worry about was some flooding (like all of our neighbors). (They all have at least 18 inches of water to deal with. We have 2 puddles. God bless the sump pump.) :P

The power of positive thinking.

Something I totally don't believe in. That's okay though. We got to see our latest bean flickering away on the screen today! One bean, one perfect little heartbeat! March can get here already!!!

Deja Vu

Oh how I loathe the beginning. I feel like a broken record. Like a tired, old, worn out, broken record. I'm not feeling well but that's a good sign... And if one more person tells me to smile because of it I'm gonna puke on them. It's all I've got and it's a lot gross! Praying for a heartbeat on Monday and for the sickness to pass quickly, I've had hyperemesis twice and apparently that "never happens". Please just let it pass soon!!!!

7

Huh. Here we are again. If you're reading this, please keep it to yourself :)

What a difference a year makes.

Warms my heart...

On the Eve of the Fourth of July...

I am wondering if this is what the founding fathers had in mind? State governments shutting down over an inability to balance the budget. States being sued for demanding that people on welfare pass a drug test before receiving their benefits. Bankruptcy. Violence. A recession that just won't quit. I kind of feel like there is no joy left in being an American and that makes me sad. That there is no recovering from where we are. Not without some major changes that will make a lot of people really angry. I'm not sad for myself. I'm sad for my children and their generation. America was once a great nation and could be again but it's them that will suffer. Kind of makes me want to move to Canada. Except I can't stand Moose. Meh.

I've been such a negative nelly these last few days and I am embarrassed to say I've been taking it out on my husband. So incredibly not fair. He works so hard for our family and only complains a... well he complains some... he complains a lot but for very good reasons. I wish I knew what was eating at me so. It's not the stuff I wrote above. That really just pops into my head around the 4th of July. It's something much deeper and I can't even give it a name. How frustrating! I guess I could blame the heat? Or the pressure of being on such a tight budget all the time? Or maybe because I feel cooped up in the house with the kids all day? (Yeah, we play in the backyard with the neighbors a lot but a change of scenery? That would rock.) I would love to be able to take a vacation without anyone to distract me from it. Selfish? Yes. Necessary? I'm starting to think so. When? No. Freaking. Clue.

Husband, if you are reading this, I'm sorry and I love you. Thank you for all you do. Truly.