This place

Yeah, the one I'm in right now. I'm over it. It needs some serious change. I'm over the drama, the looks, the undeniable resentment I'm developing towards it. I don't want to be here anymore. I need something new. How totally lucky for me I happening to be growing someone whose going to provide that something new. But I still have to figure out how to do away with this old. How do other people make this happen? I don't relish the idea of totally getting rid of it but I think perhaps a clean break is needed right now. Any suggestions?

On Bebe front, I'm only a 24 days from being able to definitively say whether it's a boy or a girl! That is sooooo exciting for me!!!! And my cankles!!!! We just need an exersaucer and maybe some cloth diapers (oh and a wardrobe for Bebe since white onesies are really boring) and we'll be set for quite some time!!!! Exciting!!!

First year

It has occurred to me that the end of internship is rapidly approaching and with it comes a whole new set of challenges. This year has taught me many things in regards to being married to a doctor, many of which I thought I already understood. There's nothing quite like experiencing it to drive the point home though. We have spent countless hours apart, we have visited the hospital he works at numerous times, PM has asked where his Daddy is so many times and I've gotten to explain what it means to have a Daddy that is also a doctor to our son. Why he spends so much time with the sick people. Why he doesn't spend as much time with us as he does with them. Answering that heart-breaking question "He still loves us though, right?". It's a circular conversation I have with our son. He's young, he doesn't remember that we talked about this yesterday (and the day before and the day before). It's a time frame that constantly reminded me that while I would love to have dinner tonight with my husband, he doesn't even know I sent him a text 2 hours ago. Not because he doesn't check his phone but because he can't check his phone. It has reminded me that while he loves us best (right?!?!?) they will always come first. And that's as it should be, I wouldn't want my doctor to be doing a half-assed job just because they would rather be home. I just assume they would rather be home and are instead patching me back together.

As first year comes to a close I am hopeful. I hope that next year brings opportunity for PGY1 to learn things he'll need later. Chances for us to rearrange time as a family. Hopes that PM will stop talking nonsense about Transformers. (I'm certain the last one is just a dream.) He loves us. We love him. We miss him, but this is not our forever. And it will only get better. :)

32 weeks 4 days. Start placing bets :)

Heh.

So, in just 4-7 weeks, we're going to meet the contents of mah belly. Weird. It seems sooooo long from now and I know it's really not. I'm nervous. What if PM is jealous? Like green-eyed, mean-spirited, violent jealous? What do I do? I only have my Momma and little brother here for maybe a week after I come home, if I'm lucky. I won't be able to chase the little bugger, he's reallyreallyreally fast. Do I lock us in the house and pray for sanity? (maybe I should start praying for that now.) I bought him some picture books to help with learning about babies and what they need and how to be a big brother but what if after 4 years as the ONLY child, he decides to punish me for making him an older brother? GAH! (Note: I am not at all worried about having a baby in the house. I can't bring myself to worry about someone I haven't ever laid eyes on!) Perhaps I'll be pleasantly surprised? My fingers, eyes, toes, legs and arms are all crossed!

30 weeks 5 days

I don't think it's getting any smaller. I'm kind of afraid of how big it's really going to get. This was as big as I got when I had the Pirate Monkey and that date is still 6 weeks away. Oh. My. Gosh.

I love this.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

be kind anyway.

If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies;

succeed anyway.

If you are honest people may cheat you;

be honest anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

do good anyway.



Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the end, it is between you and God;

it was never between you and them anyway.

Pregnancy Update: The Lazy Edition

How far along? 29wks 6d
Total weight gain? no clue, i turn my back to the scale
Maternity clothes? Absolutely!
Stretch marks? No new ones. Yet.
Sleep? Not the best. Between having to pee and low back pain...
Food cravings? Chipotle and ice cream sandwiches
Belly button? Almost flat
Gender? No clue, I think boy everyone else says girl
Labor signs? None so far.
Best moment this week? The party in my abdomen that I was not invited to!
What I miss most? Being able to sleep on my back or get into a really comfy position at night. And my ankles.
What I look forward to? Meeting Bebe and being able to take a deep breath :)
Milestones? We're in the homestretch. Only 9 more weeks to go!